How many times a day do you say, hear or read that word? I confess, until recently, it was a word that I thought about and used multiple times a day. The more I said it, read it and accepted "perfect" into my day to day, the less perfect I felt. I was working hard to prove to myself and others how put together I was, trying to get my identity from being a perfect something (a perfect student, a perfect friend, girlfriend, wife, you name it!) and the more I performed, the more exhausted I was. Deep down, I knew, that despite my most valiant efforts, that I was not perfect. I felt like an exhausted fraudulent mess!
Can you relate? Do you long for perfection or control? Maybe for you it looks like wanting to be perfect in just one area in your life where you can be the best at something. Or maybe you know you won't be the best, so you never even try. Have you found yourself working so much just to find out that you are not getting any closer to the finish line? If you have found yourself thinking about being perfect and wondering what to do with this trap, there is hope! Here four things that have shaped the way I look at perfection; 1. You and I are made in the image of God. Therefore, we are made to be perfect. Don’t be surprised that you long for perfection. 2. If you know you are made in God's image, then you probably also know you are a sinner (aka: not perfect). Sinners cannot achieve complete perfection on your own. 3. Don't panic. Jesus lived a perfect life so that you don't have to (and because you can't). This is the beauty of the gospel! 4. Consider pursuing excellence and personal growth instead of attempting to be perfect. It will prove to be a much more successful journey. It is not easy to apply Gospel truth to thoughts and habits, but I hope to encourage you to consider what might happen if you did. In his book, Perfecting Ourselves to Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and the Perils of Perfectionism, Dr. Richard Winter writes, “We can rest in that deep security and know that we have significance in being made in his (God’s) image and in being a child of God, saved by his grace, not by anything we have done or earned. At the deepest level, understanding and experiencing God’s grace is the key to unlocking the prison of perfectionism” (p. 160). In my messy and imperfect walk, I have found what Dr. Winter writes to be true. God's grace freely gives me what I was trying to earn. I already perfectly loved and accepted by my heavenly father and that I do not have to be perfect to earn his affections. Seeking to live out of this truth has freed me up to perform less while loving and serving others more. And event though the tension of longing for perfection is not gone, but now I am free to remember that one glorious day, I will be reunited to my maker and restored to my original factory setting: Perfect. Rebeca Gilbert, MA, LAPC What’s going on in your life right now?
When someone asks me this question, my mind races to all the circumstances I face on a day to day basis – good, bad, and the just plain confusing. I tend to think more about what’s happening – events, people, challenges, surprise blessings. In our day to day thoughts and conversations, we’re often content to hover at the surface – dealing simply with the facts of what is happening in our lives. What did you do today? Did you see the game last night? Can you believe he said that to me? But there is so much more going on beneath the surface. Underneath all of our experiences is a vast collection of fears, hopes, worries, desires, hurts, dreams, and confusions. Our lives are continually being shaped by these powerful undercurrents. When seeking out counseling, most people (including myself) want symptomatic relief – a quick change in our circumstances. But good counseling is heart work – diving below the surface to ask the question – what’s really going on inside of you? And it’s only as we see what’s happening below the surface that we’ll be able to move together towards real change. Jared Bryant, MDiv jbryant@stonegatecounsel.com “I need to take care of myself today”, was that your waking thought this morning? Did any portion of your day, even 30 minutes, specifically revolve around self-care? Self-care is a concept I understand as taking care of myself; maybe you call it balance or having margin in your life. It’s something I don't do naturally until I face a crisis or am in a place in life where I can't keep going. Sometimes my trigger is burnout or, many times, brokenness in my life reveals my need for rest. For me, taking care of myself means ultimately taking care of the darkness of my heart and soul. Often, my need for self-care is obvious when I find myself becoming angry, resentful, impatient or exhausted.
For me, there are 4 primary areas of self-care: 1. Regular exercise – walking, biking or running 3-4 times a week. Recent studies show that about 20-30 minutes a day of walking is adequate. 2. Eating healthy foods at appropriate times. Eating reasonable portions at meal times and healthy snacks when the urge to snack hits me. 3. Sleep. Experts say most adults need 7-8 hours per night. Here is a link on sleep hygiene that has some practical tips - http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/sleep-hygiene 4. Time alone with God. For me, I like to read small amounts of Scripture, think about and apply it as I write in my journal. Recently, Sarah Peterson's Jesus Calling (http://www.thomasnelson.com/jesus-calling.html) has been a great encouragement to me. There are some other things that help me care for myself: time away from my routine, working in our yard and garden, and working on repurposing old things. Our culture values hard work and sometimes the demands of life require our full attention on those around us while, inside, our hearts and lives, relationship with Christ and those we love most, become depleted. Perhaps, finding some time in your day for yourself, searching for those ways that speak self-care to you and being intentional about pursuing those things will bring balance and margin to your life. Joe Bucha, MA, LPC jbucha@stonegatecounsel.com |